Saturday, 28 October 2017

The Library

The pub was perfectly placed just near to a conference centre guaranteeing a regular crowd of new faces most nights, people away from home and looking for a good time. In addition it was dark and the CCTV covered just the till and the bar focused on preventing staff pilfering rather than customer safety.

He carried the two drinks back to the high table in the corner and put her prosecco onto the stained bar mat in front of her. He placed his own red wine on the table before seating himself.

She wasn’t stupid, she could see that feint lighter band of skin where his wedding ring should have been. She listened, apparently attentively, whilst letting her mind drift around the words he was saying. They laughed a few times and she revealed very little about herself. Finally he made the suggestion of ‘another drink here or shall we move on?’

‘I can read you like a book,’ she said
‘I doubt that,’ he smiled knowing the thoughts of what he would like to do to her were running through his head.
‘Why not come back to my place, it’s just round the corner?’

Gathering their belongings they pushed through the crowd that was growing more exuberant by the moment a nd made their way to the door and out into the cooler, quieter air of the street.

After a short walk they were stepping up a driveway to what must have been one of the oldest houses in the town. He found it hard to contain a ‘wow’ as she opened the door onto an impressive classic hallway.

She threw her coat and bag onto a central table and turned. ‘Wine?’
‘That would be great,’ he stumbled slightly thrown by the scale of the house.

‘Go through and make yourself at home,’ she pointed to a doorway and he tried to look casual as he walked over and stepped into the room. It was like being in a film set. He hadn’t realised he was staring open mouthed at one of the paintings until she had reappeared with drinks and asked ‘like it?’

‘It’s beautiful,’ he replied trying to regain some calmness and authority, ‘is the house yours?’ He turned to look at her taking his red wine from her outstretched arm.

‘It belonged to my Mum and Dad but now it’s mine.’ She loved calling them Mum and Dad knowing how much they hated the shortened form of the more formal and respectful ‘Mother and Father’ she had to call them when they were alive.

They sat on one of the sofas, raised glasses for a slightly awkward cheers. His mind was racing ahead to what he wanted to do to her. She had opened the painful memories of her life in this mausoleum. Her Father spent every day in his library, her mother in the garden or kitchen. Never together except for meals where words were frowned upon. Theirs was not the love she read about in the fairytale books she devoured. Long, painful, resentful, hateful silences not the joy that the heroes and heroines deserved. They both thought she was fanciful, a dreamer and spent their days trying to undermine her hope.

She heard him speaking and snapped back to the present. She could see he was beginning to get woozy. The drugs in his wine were taking affect. In a few moments she would propose that they move. ‘I can read you like a book’ she said again. His slurred reply told her it was time.

With the help of her arm he was able to stand and stumble out of the room back into hallway. He wasn’t so far gone that the fact they didn’t make to go up the stairs but rather to another room off the hallway surprised him.

Through droopy eyes he could see it was a large library. His eyes could just about focus on what seemed like a hospital gurney in the centre of the room. She was helping to take his clothes off and folding them neatly on a plastic sheet. She led him naked towards the trolley and helped him lie down. A part of his brain was letting him know that she was a ‘kinky one’.

His last memory was of a white hankie covering his mouth and nose before everything became dark.

Later, changed into her special clothes and with the instruments next to her she lifted a scalpel and quietly spoke, ‘I can read you like a book’.

Starting at the chest she peeled back leaves of skin, faced with the ribs she cut through the sternum and pushed back the covers, making sure not to damage the spine, to reveal the heart. Once again she was disappointed with the ending. His heart was not black, despite his clear wrongdoing, his infidelity his heart was not as the fairy tales had told her.

Slowly and carefully she gathered the plastic sheeting around the body and placed his folded clothes at his feet. She shuffled a clear body bag around him and zipped it up, pushed the trolley over to the bookshelves where she had fitted hooks and hung him up.

She pulled the trolley away from under him and let the body find its natural position alongside the others. On a new library card she wrote the initial of his first name ‘k’ neatly before placing it into one of the catalogue drawers.


A new clear plastic sheet was placed on the carpet and the trolley rolled back. As she wiped it down in case anything had leaked she looked at the row of bodies hanging in various stages of decomposition. There were now sixteen, all first editions and she wondered whether she should rearrange them in alphabetical order. After a moment she decided not to. It was somehow fitting that the shelf started ‘M’ and ‘D’ and that they were close together in death having avoided it in life.


Thursday, 21 September 2017

Words of the Day

Word of the Day - 'Poultrification' - meaning: the look of a forgetful chicken staring disconsolately back to the other side of the road

Word of the Day - 'Basilistis' - meaning: the disquieting suspicion that the herbs in your garden are mimicking your voice


Word of the Day - 'Picklemongering' - meaning: To create small models of famous battles & battlefields from chutney

Word of the Day - 'Shaveletting' - meaning: the irrational fear that all the pencil sharpeners you've ever lost are plotting against you

Word of the Day - 'Corviglum' - meaning: To creep up to single magpies and tell them how sad you are feeling

Word of the Day - 'Ipsumobruent' - meaning: The belief that every bottle has a genie inside but nearly all have now drowned

Word of the Day - 'Olecraneist' - meaning: the feeling you have when you suspect one of your elbows is planning a bank heist 


Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Aponatime

The Aponatime is a most curious animal
It is a time shifter, a mover of the mind
Once mentioned life begins to twist
You can return to childhood
Familiar voices echo in your head
Stories begin, fables unfold
And it only has to be spoken once
Just once 
Once Aponatime

See, I told you

Monday, 18 September 2017

Accident

She was an accident 
An accidental conception 
An accidental admission 
A severed relationship 
A dropped bottle
Don't cry
Distracted in memories
A glance to phone
An accidental twitch to the wheel
An accidental lapse
She was an accident

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Penny the Penguin

A long time ago something rather wonderful happened…..

From the moment she hatched it was clear there was something different about Penny.

When all the other baby penguins ‘honked’, ‘gaaked’ and ‘gawed’ at their parents Penny could only let out a tiny, tiny, really tiny …….. ‘squeeeek!’

At first the other penguins didn’t really notice but as she began to grow it became clear that Penny was different because all she could say was a tiny, tiny, really tiny …….. ‘squeeeek!’

None of the other penguins could understand what she was saying and it wasn’t long before some began to make fun of her. When she waddled by they would all let out her tiny, tiny, tiny, really tiny …….. ‘squeeeek!’. Penny began to feel very sad.

Penny’s mummy and daddy didn’t like to see her being teased and did their best to protect her but they could see how unhappy she was.

And Penny really was unhappy as she wondered why she was so different. Soon she didn’t want be with all the other penguins.

Penny would wander off to find a place to hide and there try her very best to ‘honk, ‘gaak’ or ‘gaw’. But it didn’t matter how hard she tried all she could say was a tiny, tiny, really tiny …….. ‘squeeeek!’ Penny would sit on the ice and cry, her tears freezing as they fell to ground.

Her mother and father talked with the elders of the colony but not one could think of what to do. Penny just got sadder and sadder.

One day when Penny was sitting alone she could hear all the young penguins getting more and more excited and even though she didn’t really want to be teased again Penny went over to where they were.

As she got nearer she could hear the young penguins shouting to the sky about all the presents they wanted for Christmas. Penny wanted to join in and shout what she really, really wanted but all she could say was a tiny, tiny, really tiny …….. ‘squeeeek!’

‘How will Father Christmas know what I want,’ thought Penny. Penny’s Mummy and Daddy looked at their little girl and wished with all their hearts that she could speak.


That night …. (so do I continue?)



Saturday, 15 April 2017

Ways And Means – Early Paths And Trails (E B Thorne)

It can be argued not unreasonably that the first thing ‘man’ made was the path. That the natural desire, indeed imperative, to move from one place to another for water, food, shelter created these paths through the flora. Our initial ‘homes’ where existing structures but the routes we dissected through the land may have been of our making.

Perhaps early homo sapiens followed those created by other animals or perhaps here was an early example of ‘man’ beginning to scar the surface of the planet by striking out alone.

Once paths or ways existed the next emerging issue to how remember which led to where, the path led to safety at the end of the day and the path to the hunting grounds. It was this challenge that led to placement of signs, markers of memory.

The findings of D.M.Jeffries in his text ‘Navigation of Early Man’[1] point to some of the marked stones from the Etterridge Dig in Cornwall as being ‘wayfinders’ and not as previously postulated ‘religious offerings’. He further proposes that many of these ‘wayfinders’ were replaced over time by initially timber posts and subsequently stone ‘totems’ many of which became sites for funeral path Celtic crosses.

Whilst it is easy to dismiss Jeffries as someone looking for proof of his own theory it is possible that the recent work of Barstairs and Clemence[2] in America using thermal imaging, deep penetration radar and Google earth may have identified some of our most ancient paths and trails. Of more importance are the sites of crossings where the presence of ‘marker shadows’ exist.

2017/18 will see the excavation of three of these key sites. These appear to be amongst the most worn and therefore potentially the most travelled. Barstairs and Clemence hope that these sites may prove migration was much earlier than previously thought and was a managed process through route and wayfinding.





[1] Navigation of Early Man published in 1960 and republished in 1982 in abridged form with amendments. Still regarded as a prime source for ancient trails and pathways
[2] Barstairs and Clemence funded by the BSAA. For other papers in the series please check the University of Southern Settle

Friday, 3 March 2017

Over Ordered

It was a mistake anyone could have made or at least that was what he kept saying to himself as the driver used the fork life truck to take down yet another pallet of the boxes.

He had checked back to his order and now he knew that it wasn’t single items he had ordered, they were ordered and delivered in multiples. He had one hundred pallets of them when he had only wanted one box with one hundred jars. He was desperately trying to calculate how much space the pallets of Tality were going to take up in his garage. It was already almost full and less than half had been taken off the lorry.

He had to do something before his wife got back. This was supposed to be just a little sideline, a little online business to keep him interested. He had read about the amazing benefits of taking just two tablets of Tality every day and had tried a sample and it seemed to work. So on the strength of that he had ordered small initial order just to see how sales might go. Now he realised he’d missed the vital part that showed the volume of the order.

Standing at the back of his garage he was trying to ring the supplier in China but was still getting no response. He had to ask them to take some of the order back and now. To add to his growing frustration and tension he could hear the ‘beep beep beep’ of the fork lift truck reversing with yet another enormous pallet to force into the garage.

He was trying the supplier for the tenth time when he heard the crates being pushed up. He could hear the straining of both the wood and the metal bindings around the cling filmed boxes. Then he realised that the new pallet was forcing the pallets already in the garage towards him trapping him against the back wall and away from the door.

He shouted, shouted at the top of his voice but remembered the driver had earphones in listening to music. It was one of the things that had annoyed him when he was trying to stop him unloading when he first arrived.


Another pallet and he was being crushed. It was then he heard a voice at the end of the phone. In broken English he could hear the same phrase being repeated ‘Hello, hello, you there, you want moreTality