Thursday, 24 November 2016

Our Road

Theirs was a typical road, a typical terraced road with certainly nothing special about it other than it was where they lived. OK the road surface was pitted and marked and the paving slabs cracked and uneven in places but it was their road.

Of course they complained, of course they wanted it to be better – they wanted their road to be repaired, lit better, have better services. And why shouldn’t they want that? It was their road

Then one day the people heard there road was going to be extended, new houses built but, and it was big but, as part of that work there was to be a new road surface, new paving, new lighting and extra money for local services paid for by the new homes. So, although they had their doubts they agreed and the new houses were built.

Then for a while everyone was happy. The older residents loved the improvements and although the people in the new houses ‘weren’t quite like us’ they seemed all right. And of course they were, because being different doesn't automatically create a problem if you try to understand and get along with each other.

But then it started. It was subtle at first. Just odd words, odd phrases, the introduction of them and us. Then the local newspaper started saying how much 'better off' the people at the new end of the road were.

Voices got louder – ‘moved into our road and start using our streetlights’, ‘walking on our pavement and wearing it out’. Soon the cry was heard regularly – ‘we want our road back’. The memories of how the road used to be had grown hazy, new stories of how ‘great’ it was were propagated. Life, quite simply, had been much better in the old days, before …….. well, just before.

And so a meeting was held and a plan hatched. Not everyone was for it, in fact it was just a handful of votes difference but it was decided that the plan would go ahead. They would set fire to the houses at the top of the road.

Now of course there were those whingeing voices that kept saying ‘but these are terraced houses, the fire could spread down to this end’ but the louder voices just kept saying everything would be ok, better in fact as they would get all the light and paving and services, oh and more.

But doubts persisted in some. The fire could destroy everything. They just wouldn’t accept they had lost the vote. Finally, the leader of the plan explained that everything would be ok because the wind would blow up the street and keep the flames at that end only. Voices of opposition saying you couldn’t control the wind were denounced as pessimists.

And so the plan was actioned and the fire started. The blaze, grew and grew and soon some of the old residents in the middle of the street began to mutter that the fire was getting awfully close. In fact it was getting too close and licking at the roofs of their houses.

‘What happened to the wind you promised?’ they shouted to the leader of the plan.

‘We never said there would be a wind,’ he answered with liar’s eyes.

Soon the sound of streetlights cracking was heard. ’You said we’d keep the lights!’ some shouted.

‘We never promised you lights,’ he answered with liar’s voice.

Slowly it became clear that the whole street would be destroyed and by morning all that was left was the charred remains of their homes, cracked paving, broken streetlights and pot marked surfaces.

As the residents turned to their leader they saw him getting into a lovely new car. ‘Now don’t you worry about me,’ he called out to them, I’ve been invited to move to a beautiful new town with people more like me. But look,’ he said pointing, ‘You’ve got your road back.’


And indeed they had



Monday, 7 November 2016

Sharpened

He slid open the drawer and smiled. Waxing the runner had removed any friction and the way it glided pleased him more that it should. He stared at the tiny green baize compartments and a smile returned to his face. In each small cushioned rectangle was a treasure, his treasure, well, a treasure to him – his collection of pencil sharpeners.

When others at school had collected rubbers from the gift shops and school trips his passion had always been sharpeners. Even now, at an age when most had stopped their collections, he still searched online.

He had never understood the passion for rubbers. Why collect something that was created to remove, to hide, to cover up your mistakes and in doing the very act lose a bit of itself?

No, pencil sharpeners were infinitely preferable. They could take the blunt and give it a point, return precision and purpose to the run down. Bring life back to the broken.

In many ways pencil sharpeners were the perfect metaphor for his life. He slid the drawer back and locked the cabinet. His mind sharpened he was going to act.


Today he was going to, he was going to, he was going to try to leave the house. Well, we all have our point to prove.


Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Button Love

He’d been chewing on his button again. He knew he shouldn’t his mother had shouted at him enough, his father slapped him.

‘Stop chewing your buttons, you’re ruining your clothes and we don’t have money to buy new ones!’
‘Stop chewing on your buttons, it’ll make your teeth grow funny!’
‘Stop chewing on your buttons, you’re not a baby any more!’
‘Stop chewing your buttons, you’ll swallow one one day and choke!’

Shouting, shouting, SHOUTING. Originally it had been his parents screaming at each other that made him reach for the solace of a button. But then it was his older sister joining in the arguments, making things worse.

So sodden material pressed against his cheek, the hard comfort of the button in his teeth, a snotty running nose and crying eyes got him through the painful noise.

And now, as an adult faced with his problems he still reached quietly for the quiet emotional prop when he was alone. This time as the tears ran down his face, as breathlessness turned his face purple and desperate retching wouldn’t work one childhood shout returned to haunt him.


‘Stop chewing your buttons, you’ll swallow one one day and choke!’

Saturday, 22 October 2016

The Patient Patient

He sat, slumped in plastic chair with his spine slowly taking the shape of the uncomfortably formed backrest. He flicked disinterestedly through a glossy magazine filled with celebrities he didn’t know getting married to celebrities he didn’t care about. It was worn, torn and dated but about the only thing to focus on other than quite how long he had already been waiting.

‘Mr Grey, Mr Grey?’

He sat upright and placed the magazine on the seat next to him. He began to rise as she caught his eye.

‘Ah Mr Grey,’ she said ‘We shouldn’t be too much longer. Would you like a magazine?’ She pointed to a small table that resembled the produce of a paper shredder.

‘Any clues how much longer it might be,’ he asked realising his voice sounded as though he wasn’t sure he would live that long.

‘It really shouldn’t be that long now. Let me make sure we’ve got all your records.’ She turned and walked off towards the office.

He sat for a moment then glanced at the clock. He found it hard to work out quite how long it was since he had first sat down. He flicked his eyes around the room. There was no one left from when he had come in. That said many people who had arrived after him had been seen and left.

He got up and stretched. He wanted to do something that would make them register he was still there, still waiting. He walked slowly towards the magazine table and placed the one he had read back on top. He then stared at the fish tank trying to see if there was anything else in there except gravel, weeds and water.

Beyond the tank he noticed an alcove with what appeared to be a comfy chair in it. To give purpose to his change of position to anyone who was observing him he picked up the same magazine he had read and strode over to the chair.

In a moment he realised that this padded chair was infinitely more comfortable than the rigid hard plastic he had endured for god knows how many hours. The muscles in his back seemed to relax as he sank back and opened the tatty journal. Here, half hidden from the others he could at least find peace.

His next moment of clarity was being gently woken by the cleaner. At first he couldn’t make out what she was saying but a glance to clock and the realisation it was light outside explained her look of surprise.


‘Ah well,’ he thought settling back, ‘they open again in half an hour.’




Thursday, 29 September 2016

The Lord Scroley Dictionary - Volume 4

'Pedimoriae' - meaning: wistfully remembering that Clarks shoes had a wooden device for measuring your feet 

'Incidirus' - meaning: the uncanny ability to foretell an impending paper cut 

'Malusvenatus' - meaning: realising just after the serve that it wasn't badminton you used to be good at 

'Circumstuffe' - meaning: the complete inability to insert a duvet into its cover without a fight 

'Lactinanis' - meaning: the moment you realise someone has finished the milk and you need tea 

'Dentisem' - meaning: the feeling after eating poppy seed bread as the gaps in your teeth are filled 

'Materitis' - meaning: to feel cold because someone else is not wearing enough clot' - the 

'Somniummeer' - panicked wake up from a dream before realising it's OK and you're not a meerkat


Tuesday, 27 September 2016

The Lord Scroley Dictionary - Volume 3

'Somnictus' - meaning: to insist that you are right then wake in the middle of the night to realise you were wrong

'Textuminas' - meaning: the discovery of an ex-tissue throughout the freshly done clothes wash

'Ascendemtia' – to reach the top of the stairs without a clue why you went up

'Spatularum' – the cooking utensil in the cutlery draw that jams it meaning you have to trap your fingers to release it

'Vestimenout' – the nagging doubt as you leave the house that you are wearing the wrong clothes for where you are going


‘Fadenergum' - meaning: the state of nervousness when out created by a mobile phone battery falling to 10%