Five

“How many would you like?” he said pointing to the scallops

I thought for a moment before replying, they were larger than normal so I adjusted my order and spoke, “Five please”

“Eh?” he said looking hard at me.

‘Five please,” I repeated

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking genuinely concerned, “Are you foreign?”

“No,” I answered in a slightly questioning way, “Why do you ask?”

“Cos you asked for ‘Foive’.”

“Five,” I repeated to clarify the pronounciation.

“Yep that was it, so how many is ‘Five’?”

I looked at him and began to wonder whether he might be slightly simple. I raised my hand and held the four fingers and thumb out. “Five,” I repeated.

“Ah,’ he said, lifting five scallops onto a sheet of waxed paper, ‘Six it is.”

“Five,” I said, checking again the number of scallops on the paper.

He turned and wrapped the paper before putting it inside a plastic bag. The price was reasonable and I put the change in my pocket. As I turned to leave he said, “What’s all that ‘Five’ stuff mate?”

I moved back to the counter, “Five,” I said with a slightly raised voice, “Five, the number between four and six.” A small crowd of shoppers had gathered.

“What?” he said again.

“Five, the number between four and six.” I turned for support but was greeted by blank faces. I spun back to him and noticed something that would help pinned to the wall. “Look,” is said, “Look at the calendar, see under the month, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7.” I stopped and looked again reading slowly 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7. I scanned to the last number – March 32^nd

The world beneath me began to open up. If six was five then everything became unstable. I stared at my hands, eleven fingers? I felt dizzy first then collapsed in a feint. I don’t know how long I was out but as I came round I could see the blurred face of a paramedic with her fluorescent jacket.

I could hear her speaking but it took a while for the fog to lift from my ears. I could see her hand in front of my eyes and hear the question, “How many fingers am I holding up?”