Kelvin stared at the bank statement and at
the shelves of unordered products that filled his factory. It had seemed such a
brilliant idea. A gap in the market that would make a previous seasonal ‘one
purchase’ item an all year treat.
Oh and the images of success that had filled
his imagination as he launched his company. He had sunk all his redundancy
money into his new venture despite the reservations of his wife and children.
By now, if things had gone according to plan, they would be in their new house,
driving their new cars and being surrounded by people congratulating him on his
astonishing success.
It was so simple and such a gap - Kelvin’s
Krackers, ‘a cracker is not just for Christmas’. But it would appear that was
exactly what they weren’t as his filled to bursting shelves would testify.
He his head dropped into his hands as his
eyes filled with tears. He had one month to rescue something from this
disaster. To date he had sold two boxes and they had elicited two letters
expressing surprise that the jokes inside had a wintery theme.
My god how he hated the company that had
‘let him go’ after twenty-four years of loyal service. This was their fault, this
was their mess not his.
Kelvin turned to his computer and typed
onto the ‘joke’ template – ‘Bad Things Will Happen’ and then the name of his
previous company. He pressed ‘return’ and in an instant every space on the page
was filled with this message in a pleasing seasonal font. He pressed print and
heard the machine burst into life and single sheet of warnings issued forth.
Twenty four special crackers were produced.
Twelve he boxed and wrapped and sent to the Chairman, Chief Executive and Board
of his previous employ. For the remaining twelve he turned to the internet he
downloaded the names of leading financial journalists and their addresses. Each
would receive an individual gift wrapped cracker with its unique greeting.
It took over a week for the first signs of
success. He put this down to the security companies employ with packages that
arrive in the post. The first mention was a small paragraph in the ‘Around the
City’ column.
“Odd happenings here at the office suggest
that something bad is likely to happen at ……….”
Within an hour of publication the shares in
the company took a slight dip. Later in the day they took a massive plunge as
the City Editor of the national radio business news commented that they had
received word via a strange delivery of a cracker that a company was vulnerable
and that the dip in shares earlier in the day might reflect this.
The next day almost every journalistic
recipient of a cracker had written about ‘bad’ times ahead for the company. The
shares plummeted to an all time low which meant a special Board Meeting. It was
there that the Chief Executive was fired and the Chairman resigned. Three other
board members took the opportunity to step away.
By the end of the week the company had been
bought by a rival for a third of its recent value.
A piece in the weekend business section of
a well regarded national commented on how a series of crackers bearing the
missive ‘Bad Things Will Happen’ had been both siren and fortune teller.
On Monday morning as Kelvin returned to
work with spirits a little higher, his vengeance sated, he was amazed to see
the blinking light on his answerphone calling him.
He listened to message after message
requesting ‘special’ crackers. As he booted his computer he desperately wrote
down the names, addresses, numbers and messages they required.
Turning to the screen he was staggered to
see over five hundred new emails. It would seem that Kelvin was not the only
person in the world with scores to settle. A small smile travelled across his
face as he put the bank statement into the bottom drawer.
