First Draft Nursery Rhymes

Just wrote these every so often when I fancied it over a month

First Draft Nursery Rhymes as Tweeted

Jack be nimble,

Jack be quick,

Jack jump over the ......

Jack, Jack, your arse is on fire

'Little Jack Horner,

Sat in the corner,

Eating his Christmas Pie.

He stuck in his thumb,

And spent the night in casualty'

'Georgie Porgie

Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls

And the subsequent court case ......'

'Dr Foster

Went to Gloucester

In a shower of rain

He stepped in a puddle

And said I'm never trusting the bbc weather again

'Hey diddle diddle,

The Cat and the fiddle,

The Cow jumped over the moon.

Wow, that was some strong sh*t

The dog said'

This piggy went to market,

This piggy stayed home,

This piggy had beef and started

bovine spongiform encephalopathy

Hot cross buns

Hot cross buns

One a penny

Two a penny

From Lidl

BOGOF

'Bobby Shafto's gone to sea

Silver buckles at his knee;

They’re going to be merciless,

I don’t fancy his chances

Goosey goosey gander

Where shall I wander

Upstairs and downstairs

in my lady's chamber.

Case for the defence your Honour

'Wee Willie Winkie

Runs through the town

Upstairs & downstairs

In his night gown.

Should be sectioned'

'I had a little nut tree,

Nothing would it bear

But a silver nutmeg

And a golden pear;

This Baby Bio's weird'

'It's raining it's pouring

The old man's snoring

Went to bed, bumped his head

And was found 6 weeks later by the Police'

'Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To get the poor dog a bone

When she got there

The cupboard was bare

Foodbank again

'Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey;

These OK magazine diets

Are a fad and bad for you I say

'Two little dickie birds,

Sitting on a wall;

One named Peter,

One named Paul.

Peter never saw the cat

Paul did'

'London Bridge is falling down

Falling down, falling down

London Bridge is falling down

Make alternate travel arrangements'

'Baa baa black sheep

Have you any wool?

Chops? Shoulder?

Ribs? Cannon? Steak?'

'Three blind mice Three blind mice

See how they run See how they run

Badly, without direction

Toward the cat

No running now

Little Bo-Peep

Has lost her sheep

And doesn't know where to find them

Little Bo-Peep had one hell of a night

Tom, Tom, the piper's son

Stole a pig, and away did run

Sober the next morning

He regrets his actions

Ding, dong, bell,

Pussy’s in the well

Who put her in?

Little Johnny Flynn

Johnny's parents despair

'Where did we go wrong'