There is a Dark

There is a dark that is so dark it seems to rob you of your senses. It seems to take not just your sight, but hearing and touch as well. It is so black that there is no distance in front of your eyes, nothing exists beyond the lid of your eyes. This black darkness is oppressive, wrapping your body in a vacuum. It closes around you and seems to crush your hope, your soul. It is a dark that chills you, that lets you know you are truly alone. I have felt this dark, this vacuum, this desensory blackness but why, and it counters all I have said, why did I see the shadows?

I turned to face the figure sitting in the chair. The fingertips of his hands, which were held in a position of prayer, rested on his bottom lip.

Silence.

I was used to this. It was part of the whole 'you have the answers, I am only here to help you see that' approach. I said it again and stared hard at his strange grey eyes.

"How can I see shadows in total, in absolute darkness?"

His odd, slightly high-pitched voice, spoke for the first time since he had welcomed me into his room. "I don't know," he said, "I really don't know."

This was not what I was expecting, this was unusual.

"Describe them again," I heard him turn on his recording machine.

 .....

Outside in the sunshine Kathryn pushed the buggy holding baby Peter whilst little Evie held onto her skirt. A light breeze made the heat pleasant. It was, in many ways, the sort of day you wished for. Kathryn leant over the handles and smiled at Peter who had nodded off clutching his little rabbit. A rabbit that had been hers when she was his age. Evie had never taken to it but Peter was different, he was more, more ..... loving. 

She hated herself for thinking it. She must love them both the same, that’s what mother's do. But she didn't. There was something about Evie that unnerved her, that frightened her.

Evie was talking to her invisible friends again. Kathryn had tried to join in many times but Evie had shown her she was not welcome. "Mummy, why don't you answer the questions they ask you? They're not babies."

.....

Eddie hit the side of his laptop and swore under his breath. Why did it keep doing this? If he didn't finish this report there would be trouble. It could cost him his job. He stared at the screen again. Those were not the words he had been typing in. They made no sense to him. Dear god, if he had bought another computer with a faulty hard drive or something. 

He deleted that last paragraph and stared at his notes on the pad beside him. A waitress delivered his coffee next to him. He was conscious after a moment that she had not left his side. She was staring at the screen. He looked up. The words were there again but the font was much larger.

"Is it a novel?" She asked, "It's really odd."

Eddie stared at the words that he had not written but kept appearing in his work. 

'The time is approaching. We are massing. The wall is weak. When is our time?'

.....

"I've told you all this before." I said angrily.

"I know," he replied calmly, his voice grating on my ears, "but I want a colleague to hear what you say you see."

"But I can't see it, that's the bloody problem." There was silence. I left an awkward gap to see if he would fill it but he didn't. I began again.

It’s dark, darker than you can imagine. It’s more than just a lack of light. It’s like every ounce of hope has been sucked away. Total, total black. You could not imagine it, I couldn’t until I experienced it. Nothing built on nothing built on nothing. Then suddenly movement, as though someone has run across my vision, but I have none.

Then I hear the noises.

….

“Put your toys away and come and have your tea Evie.”

Kathryn glanced over at her and once again wondered why they had called her that name. Neither she nor her husband could remember how it had happened. It was not a family name, not even a name either of them particularly liked. So why? Her thoughts were interrupted by the way Evie was putting away her toys.

Kathryn walked as Evie placed the last of her dolls with their heads and bodies facing the wall.

“Why have you done that Evie?” she tried to hide the fear in her voice behind a slight laugh. This was going to be another evening discussing what they should do about her.

“They told me to,” said Evie jumping up to run through to the table.

“Why did they want you to do that?”

“They are looking out for us Mummy, the time is coming. Can I have red sauce please.”

…….

Eddie stared at the screen and then at the Waitress. He wanted to explain, he wanted to tell her everything that had been happening, he wanted to shout “I’m not writing this, this isn’t my work,” but he knew he would sound mad.

“I’m a writer too,” said the Waitress. “I kinda like your opening, it’s quite mysterious.”

As he turned back to words on the screen she drifted away.

Laying his fingers on the keys he typed ‘what do you want with me?’

…….

Listen to this Derek and tell me what you think. Andrew leant forward and pressed the play button on his laptop. My voice came from the tinny speakers either side of the keyboard. They both sat in silence as I described the darkness.

When I had stopped speaking Andrew shut the lid and turned to his colleague. “Well?” he said.

There was a long pause and then Derek spoke.

“He knows.”

……