Day 132.
I do feel a bit stronger today. A Doctor came and sat with me and asked me what
I could remember. It’s such a jumble and I am conscious of the fact that I
might sound mad as I recount some of the things that happened on the island and
I must say some of it does sound unimaginable. I start with the ants, the sugar
Illya
Kuryakin and moved
through to the tigers. I got quite agitated when I remembered that the homing
slow worms should be back at any time. I don’t think he believes me but they will
return. To make it easier for me to sleep they strap me to the bed.
Day 133.
The Doctor seems to be trying to help me but it just serves to confuse. I think
he is trying to convince me that the island was just a fantasy. I just wish I
had proof. If I had brought some of the memory pebbles I could show him and
that would be an end to the matter. I did show him the scar I got from trying
to hold the Velcro onto the beach but I suppose I could have got that anywhere.
He says that when I stop trying to make him believe in the island I will be
able to let go of it and get butter. At least I think he said ‘butter’. I hope
I so because I hate the spread they use on the toast
Day 134.
It would appear that my chances of leaving this establishment are greatly
enhanced by my not mentioning the island and indeed sneering when it is raised
with me. I don’t like not being able to talk of my trials and tribulations but
if it means they do not inject me quite as much then it is a pain I can bear.
That said I nearly accidently mentioned my performance as ‘Winkywankytulip’
in the Mikado I staged. They say that pride can lead to a fall.
Day 135. The Doctor believes I am making great progress and
today I was allowed to go into the big room where the others sit. I got quite
bored quite quickly. I know that I hated the feeling of being alone on the
island but it is quite true that you can feel even lonelier in a crowd of
people you don’t want to be with. Things got a bit better when they got the
games out. I decided to play draughts. I found a fantastic one by a window that
hasn’t been fitted properly.
Day 136. I had the strangest feeling whist taking a shower
today. I still do not know my name so everyone still refers to me as Bobby. The
door was opened up on me and it all felt rather dream like. I was helped to the
edge of my bed and I sat for a few moments before I started to dry myself. As I
rubbed the towel over my feet sand began to fall from between my toes. Now I
really think I might be going mad
Day 137. Today is a special day. Everyone is going round wishing
everyone well, which is nice. When it came to lunchtime I ended up with an
enormous amount of one vegetable and little else. It’s something to do with
peas to all men.
Day 138. Yesterday they tried a new experiment on me. I think
they want to test the physical boundary of my alimentary canal, stomach and
ileum. After so little food on the escape from the island my gut has shrunk and
so the pain today is excruitiating. The experiment continues today as I have to
experience what I believe is a comedy double act - Bubble and Squeek. Is there
no end to their torture
Day 139. I had the strangest night. I dreamt I was eating a
giant marshmallow and when I woke up I was in an Old Jokes Home for comedians
with dementia.
"My dog has no nose."
"Jamaica?"
"Terrible, she's got an accordion."
Oh no, there's someone at the door. ‘Knock, knock’. This could
be a very long day
Day 140. The pills they make me take mean I slip in and out of
consciousness. I have woken believing I am back on the boat, the beach, the
island and in the amusement arcade. Is it any wonder I find it hard to answer
their questions and maintain that I have forgotten all that imagined past and
can let me out safely.
Day 141. The line between dream and reality is a fine one. So
fine that at times you cannot understand when you cross it. It is possibly when
we stand astride that line that we feel at our most free but it can only be
fleeting. We will be tugged to one side or the other. If there is one thing
guaranteed to pull us back to a memory it is a smell. A moment when a faint fragrance brings a
long-lost moment in time crashing back to the forefront of our minds. This has
just happened to me and I am confused. I am reminded of the terrible tale of
Oswald Levold. http://spiritofseething.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/we-must-never-forget-oswald-levold-for.html
Day
142. I am totally confused, and not like I was when I thought that baby tapirs
were just large humbugs with legs. A smell, a fleeting smell and I was back on
the train just coming into the station. Jumping up to grab my bag from the
storage shelf above I caught a scent of perfume. Distinct, special and
intoxicating. I turned to see a beautiful woman staring wistfully out of the
window. Next to her on the seat was a plate with some leftover coleslaw. It was
the start of a love affair.
Day 143. I need to work out who I am. Am I the person these
people tell me I am - sick, confused and in need of therapy or am I the
astonishing and strong individual who coped alone for well over one hundred
days with all manner of challenge. If it is the latter then I need to break out
of here before they brainwash me into believing I am useless and beyond hope.
If it is the former, then I need to discover who I used to be before the drugs
leave me as a mere cypher. Whatever the answers to these questions are I need
to find out soon. I also need to find out who is leaving a pickled onion in my
left slipper every night.
Day 144. What evil did their Doctors perform on me last night in
the name of science. I suppose I shall never know as their drugs have wiped all
memory of the evening and night and merely left me with a thumping headache.
Well I can only hope that have learnt what they wanted and that they will not
inflict whatever that was on me again. No, wait a minute, hazy memories are
emerging from the fog. Oh god ........
Day 145. They say that severe food poisoning can, among other
things, induce a state of delirium in which the mind can create an entire
alternate world of frightening reality. That is the only explanation I can give
to finding my eyes opening in a small hotel room. The sheets of the bed are
sodden and twisted. On the bedside table next to me is a half finished plate of
food. God knows how long it has been there but my sore eyes can see maggots
wriggling from the rotting food. I do hope that wasn't fish. Salmon is normally
pink but this is salmon yellow. Oh no, I'm drifting off to sleep again
Day 146.
For a brief moment I came to in the hotel room. I am now totally unsure as to
what is real and what is fantasy. Dr Melding is being very helpful and
supportive but every so often he does look rather like a standard lamp in the
corner of the room. Isn’t vinegar a funny word? It rhymes with tinegar and
winegar which is so nice. The smell from the rotting food is quite disgusting,
which rhymes with copingstone if you say it quickly.
Day 147. Dr Melding is a table lamp so I have stopped taking the
medicine he prescribed. It would appear that many of the other medical staff,
including the quite charming Miss Hepplethwait, are pieces of furniture in the
room. I hvae had to adjust my perception of what is real and unreal so I have
thrown Fifi the dograt off the bed. I finally got the strength to make it to
the bathroom and take a shower. I have a feeling I have been here before
Day 148. I have no idea how long I have been delirious in bed
but my legs were almost too weak to get my back from the shower. I have a
strange memory of sand between my toes last time I washed. When I have gathered
strength I will leave this room and find out where I am
Day 149. I have woken up stronger and more confident than I can
remember. I am dressed and prepared to leave the room. What world is outside I
cannot guess but I have to face it. My hand rests momentarily on the doorknob
and then ...... It turns and the door slowly opens.
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