Days 150 to 166

Day 150. I pull to door towards me and step out. I catch my breath as I think I have stepped back in time but then remember that 1970's is still classic decor for a hotel on this island. I make my way down to reception which is still a mess from the tigers. Wait, so that part is true? I must make my way to my collection of memory stones and see how much is real and which part are no more than Kefflenhers.

Day 151. Why do I love palindromic days? I went down to the beach to find my collection of stones. There were only 78. I sat and used the memory I planted in the last stone and go back to the day I covered myself in mayonnaise. A ghastly and quite hideous thought overcomes me. Is it possible I got food poisoning on that day. Is it possible that the last 73 days have merely been my bad dreams as I sweated on that hotel bed. It seems unbearable to think. All that torture, all that pain, all that struggle and it was only in my head. I feel I have lost 78 days of my life and I feel utterly bereft and without hope. I turn in despair and then see where I put the other memory stones. Oh, I am a one.

Day 152. This is the first day I have felt well for some time. It is amazing how much ones attitude is influenced by ones health. I took a walk along the prom (prom, prom) just listening to the sound of the waves (no brass band). It was beautiful. Maybe the key to feeling happy is to find ways to appreciate where you are rather than wish you were somewhere else?

Day 153. In this new spirit of enjoying the moment I went into a stationers and got some of those fluorescent stickers. Every time I have seen something that has made me feel glad to be alive I have put a sticker on it. My thinking being that if I ever feel gloomy again I just look for a sticker to cheer myself up. It all went well until the squirrel made me laugh. They really are quick little beggars but luckily the stone I threw stunned it. Well I say stunned....

Day 154. It’s cold, but not too cold to sit on the beach and watch the waves. As my eyes lose focus through the constant repetition so the metronomic quality of the sound takes over in my mind. It is calming, peaceful,……… hypnotizing. I drift away. When I come to, I find myself in the Amusement Arcade dressed as Shirley Bassey wearing a long red dress, heels and singing ‘Something’ in a very loud voice. In retrospect in not sure Roy Castle had the personality for Record Breakers.

Day 154. I am still trying to see the positive in everything so I went into the old fashioned Gentlemens Outfitters on the High Street. It is like something from the 1950’s and really rather evocative. I desperately wanted a man in a purple Fez and waistcoat to come out and serve me but I am alone so I decided to play Mr Benn on my own. I found I was humming the theme tune I as went into the changing room. After a short while I came out dressed as a man left alone on an island. Finally I can fulfill my fantasy

Day 155. Continuing my fantasy life on the island I went to the old fashioned barbers. It still has one of the red and white poles outside from when, not only did they cut hair, they pulled teeth. I barged open the door and shouted, “My Man, I want a fine shave as I am walking out later today.” Actually, talking out loud as though there is someone there somehow makes you feel less lonely. I almost screamed and fainted when the back door to the shop swung open. As I recovered I looked down to see a faithful dog waiting for its owner who will never return. Its eyes looking up at me were the souls of sadness. I don’t care. However he looks at me I am not going to let him shave me.

Day 156. I now have the worst shave ever. Something in the dogs eyes finally convinced me to let him have a go. He must have seen his previous owner shave thousands of people. By using Gaffa tape I was able to attach the open cut throat to his front paw. At first he just ran off leaving trail through the grass like a mini scythe but when he returned he had a go at my stubble. It's not great and the blood and grass looked awful at first. I have called him Charlie so I could say - "Thats bl**dy awful Charlie." Ooooh, perhaps I have been unfair to him. He may be 'left pawed'.

Day 157. Charlie the dog and I have struck up quite a friendship. It’s amazing how having something to look after can really give your life meaning. Perhaps it is having to think of someone or something else before yourself that takes the selfish edge off the way you live and think. Whatever has happened Charlie certainly seems a lot happier now he has me to look after.

Day 158. We have been playing 'stick' on the beach. It's a great way to fill time and to get exercise. Charlie really loves it although he can't throw it very far. I am really enjoying having made a friend. No man is an island although I was for too long. This little animal is my bridge to another world

Hotel Time = Show and Tell

Day 159. As Charlie cannot throw it today we been playing a different game of 'stick' on the beach. I’m not sure Charlie has quite got the hang of it. I have tried to explain the rules of ‘Stick in the Mud’ but I don’t think dogs play that game either so he refuses to run through my legs and free me. Our first game took just over six hours and in the end I had to free myself. Thank goodness I worked as a contortionist for that school holiday. I was one of the few people who could genuinely tickle his own fancy.

Day 160. Having Charlie has created a rhythm for each day. Suddenly I have to think about regular food times and if I don’t the whining reminds me. Charlie hates my whining so I eat for him. It turns out he needs to eat for him too, so I am having to defrost twice as much food as before from the supermarkets. The gulls on the beach fascinate him and plays for hours chasing after them. I sit and stare at the sea but his barking in the background reminds me I am no longer alone

Day 161. Today I awoke bleary eyed to the strangest sight. I think the gulls have ganged up on Charlie. He has come back with his black coat peppered with white droppings. Now I know where the expression ‘hang dog look’ comes from. It is like his confidence has been shattered and the gulls are responsible for the first four letter. I need to cheer him up as he has done so much for me.

Day 162. Took Charlie for a walk along the beach I rarely explore. He ran ahead and disappeared into a cave I didn't know where there. When I got to the mouth of the opening he was nowhere to be seen and my claustrophobia made it hard to enter. I shouted his name and saw him run towards me but the echo confused him and he ran back further in. I shouted again and the same happened. Over and over again but this was no game. A sudden chill hit me when I realised the echoed voice was not mine

Day 163. I have forced myself to go further into the cave to find Charlie and the mysterious voice. I have had to find a way to overcome my Claustrophobia. I have done this by convincing myself that I am terrified not by fear of small places but rather by Father Christmas. It appears to be working at the moment but if I run into a man dressed in red with a white beard I am done for.

Day 164. I have followed Charlie to the darkest, dampest and narrowest space. He turned to look at me much as Skippy and Flipper do and then .... Jumped forward and disappeared

Day 165. What has happened? One minute Charlie was there and then next he was gone. I have gone forward on hands and knees to the very place that Charlie stood when he looked back at me. Was he encouraging me to follow him and if so – to where?

Day 166. It seemed too obvious to be true but I guess I always knew what Charlie was doing. I feel a fool now but we can always doubt what is staring us in the face. I fumbled forwards until I reached the entrance. Charlie has led my to a Time Transition Vortex Junction or TTVX as they are more commonly known. I had to follow him, he is all I have. I moved ahead and was caught in the cyclonic maelstrom. When I could focus again it was as I expected. There was Charlie sitting waiting for me and there was I in 19^th century London. Bloody typical